By: Cara M. Irving
First off, let me start-off by letting out a deep breath....
THE PRESSURE.
As a woman of color, I feel so much pressure.
At 33, I feel like a late bloomer.
Up until this point I’ve felt pretty confident about my life and the decisions that I’ve made:
I’ve had the same type of job forever.
I have friends that I’ve known my entire life.
I like to think of myself as a pretty cool person (definitely THE funniest for sure).
But lately I’ve been feeling this pressure; I’m feeling rushed.
I have friends on their third and fourth degrees, second kid, fifth wedding anniversary and second home.
And then there’s me: a single, unwed mother on her second degree, in an apartment, starting a new diet for the third time since the new year (is it still only February??), tons of debt and still wondering if I even know how to date.
I mean clearly if I don’t know how to date, I need to hurry up right? I have to be married by at least 36 and I’m running out of time. I’ll just X-out more kids because by the time I get married at 36, it’s a wrap for kids.
THE PRESSURE!
Wait, how am I gonna find a man if I can’t even stick to this damn diet?
It must be the way I look.
WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!
I’ve spent so much time comparing myself—my life and my accomplishments—that I discounted how truly amazing I am. I’ve spent so much time focused on loving others that I didn’t allow the time to properly love myself.
So I began loving myself differently at 33.
At 33, I realize who I am instead of who I am not. And I love me. I mean, I really LOVE myself!
At 33, I am a wonderful mother to THE smartest 5-year-old beautiful black boy.
At 33, I am an amazing sister and friend.
At 33, I am weeks away from receiving my second degree, and at 33 I am BEAUTIFUL!
I think we put so much emphasis on time because we focus on where we think we should be instead of acknowledging where we are.
I like where I am and I love who I am.
Relax, girl. You got time.
Love you.