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My God-Sister Nici sent this meme to our friend-group chat in jest. Her added caption read:
“[I’m} in the middle and Dave is both Ye and Jay when I bring her around new folks.”
Yes. I, Davia, am known as “Dave” with these peeps. One day I’ll share the tale of how “Dave” (née “Big Dave”) was birthed.
Anywho! The meme was funny CAUSE IT’S TRUE! Sis has an uncanny ability to quickly find a friend in many people.
I, however, am more reserved.
I’m not standoffish, rude, or unpleasant.
I’m reserved.
And as much as the meme was a joke, it reminded me of how consistent I am as this reserved person. I’ve always had difficulty acclimating to shared-group spaces, especially ones where cliques are practiced at the nucleus. I’ve never been a clique-type lady. It was always difficult for me to operate in shared-group spaces without second-guessing whether or not I represented myself well.
Miscommunication and misrepresentation are the banes of my professional and personal existences.
In fact, shared group encounters (from networking events to extended familial gatherings) made me so uncomfortable afterwards I often had to decompress and recharge my batteries. The decompression recipe usually involved prayer, a whiskey neat, and a call to My Ma’am. My gifts, however, required that I showed up in shared spaces regularly. One day I’ll also share how God has guided me through various exercises to become not only more confident in my skin, but also using my voice.
But back to OPF and why we’re all here today. Sharing spaces with OPF (Other People’s Friends) is unavoidable especially when you have a desire (*insert calling, inclination, need) to participate in social settings. I’ve found that sharing spaces with OPF is more maneuverable (and even enjoyable) if I remember these 5 things:
SHOW UP AS MY WHOLE SELF. This means I operate as Davia; I do not “put on Davia” or “perform as Davia.”
OWN MY SPACE IN THE ROOM. This means I I give myself permission to take up space—with each step, smile, word and stop. I do not shrink into a corner or run from conversations.
SHARE SPACE AS APPLICABLE. This means I do not seek to be the center of attention. I honor where I am and why I’m there.
BE OPEN-MINDED. This means I create opportunities to learn from others and connect with others on a personal level. I’m present and available.
LEAVE WHEN I’M GOOD & READY. My Sir taught me early: always have your own way home. Amen.
How do you navigate shared spaces with OPF? Leave your thoughts below.
Thanks for reading!
Love,
Davia